Post/Comment Anxiety

Hello humans of the internet! For anyone who my be new here: I’m a dyslexic person. I feel like I haven’t talked about that much even though the original plan for this blog was to talk about being in school with dyslexic. Of course that was 4 or 5 years ago and I’m 24 now and never going back to school.

I like to tell myself that dyslexic doesn’t affect any more. This is a lie as evident throughout this blog. But this morning, as I tried to read other’s blogs, I just couldn’t. And I felt guilty about not being able to force the shapes into sounds and squeeze out understanding. And now I’m trying to write this post to explain the feelings and it’s going so slow and I know that going slow doesn’t even help. This post and every post I write will have will have little errors. Since, I’m on my phone it’ll replace my mistakes, sometimes with the right word, sometimes not. And then I’ll sit here, reading it over, knowing that you might not read what I’m saying.

I cannot count the number of times I’ve typed up a comment or an email to someone who’s blog I follow only to never send it. I know the likelihood that it won’t be what I want it to be is too high. I know that I could have read the post wrong and the comment wouldn’t even make sense.

And then I feel guilty.

I want to tell all these people that they’re amazing. I want them to know that they’re doing a great job. But, who am I? I’m just a person who can barely read and write, trying to convince the world and myself that being dyslexic isn’t my only defining characteristic. Why would anyone care if I think they’re blog is good? I’m not exactly the person anyone would ask.