Hello humans of the internet! I bet you didn’t think buying groceries would be an adventure here, but trust me, everything is.
Living in a small town you typically only have one or two choices of where to buy groceries if you’re lucky. It is actually a 25 minute drive to the store, sometimes it feels a little like little house on the prairie.
So, you finally get to the store. You have a list. You have a mission. You want to get in, get your paper towels, dog food, and underwear and get out. You walk in the store. At this point two times will happen.
1. You will see something you might need and end up buying to avoid making another trip in a few days.
2. You will see someone you know and don’t want to talk to.
Okay that first one doesn’t happen everytime, but I can guarantee that you will see someone you know and don’t want to talk to.
You might get lucky and run into someone who you actually like and might want to impress like your pastor or your boyfriend’s parents or a student from a camp you volunteered at. It would be nice to see this person while you are picking up soy milk, or oatmeal, or even shampoo. This will never happen. These people will only run into you if you are putting either a thong or alcohol into your cart or talking to yourself. There is no exception. Do you only buy alcohol once a year? Your dance teacher from when you were 6-18, will see you and say hello as you awkwardly set your wine down to hug them. Have you decided that you’re going to get a fancy bra because you want to feel good about yourself? Well it’ll be on top of your cart when you walk down the chip aisle and run into your pastor.
Now, that you’ve gotten your groceries and been traumatized, you can checkout. At this point you have two choices:
1. Go to self check out and have the machine have a meltdown.
2. Go to a cashier, participate in small talk, and get bullied by an older lady.
The self check out is probably out of order. So, you choose the cashier for lack of another choice here, there will be an older lady who remembers you from when you were younger. They will say something along the lines of, “I know you’re not old enough to drive.” Or, “look at you helping out your momma.”
Of course I can drive and I just want to buy my groceries.
Moral of the story I can’t wait to move.