Posted in Life and motivation

From Love to Dust

Hello Humans of the internet!  Happy Valentine’s Day!  If you have a specific person in your life with whom you like to spend Valentine’s Day, I hope that you had a great Valentine’s Day.  If you don’t have a person, or can’t spend Valentine’s Day with your person, then I hope you bought yourself some chocolate and a cute little Valentine of your choosing.  I and many other Christian people’s of certain denominations including Lutheran and Catholic, spent the day fasting.  If you’re not interested in reading a Jesus post, this is your cue to stop reading this post.  

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  I’ve talked about Lent before and I want to talk about it again.  It’s honestly one of my favorite times of the year.  I enjoy feeling closer to God and closer to my church family.  This year I realized that I need Lent more than ever before.  This August will be two years since our Pastor died.  Our church still hasn’t found a pastor.  It’s a really upsetting thing.  Not having Pastor hurts.  A lot.  Pastor has been our Pastor for ages, he baptized me (And Lutherans do infant baptism so that was almost 23 years ago.)  Pastor was the only pastor that I ever knew.  Because of that, a part of me feels that any pastor in our church who isn’t Pastor, would be replacing him and I find the idea of Pastor being replaced very upsetting.  But, being a congregation without a pastor is also very upsetting.

I went to the Ash Wednesday service and had ashes put on my forehead in the shape of a cross.  And spent the whole time wishing for a pastor.  I don’t want to speak for the whole church, but I for one need a shepherd.  I have never found myself so spiritually lost before.  I reach out, but I feel like I’m grasping at straws.  I haven’t been to church in months.  I was going to put a because in there but I don’t have one.  I don’t know why I stopped going, I just did.  Every week I found some way to justify it, “I have a headache” “I’m really tired” “I don’t think I can be around people” “I read my Bible” “I don’t need to go to church to practice my faith” “Faith is more than sitting in a building”

I’ve been frustrated with my own fears and inadequacies.  But I realized that slowly I’ve become ashamed of my faith.  I apologize for being Christian.  I try not to tell people at first, or at all that I’m Christian.  I stay silent.  If someone says something to me that is directly in opposition to my faith, I stay silent.  I let them tell me my faith is a lie, so they won’t be upset with me.

Usually, I don’t talk about my Lent Fast because it’s very personal between a person and God.  But this year I’m fasting silence.  I’m not going to be ashamed of my faith.  I’m going to live my faith.

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I'm a recent college graduate with dyslexia making my way in the world.

14 thoughts on “From Love to Dust

  1. This is a great post, Anna and I think that it’s great that you are willing to speak on your faith. I like when you said, “…I for one need a shepherd. I have never found myself so spiritually lost before.” and the good thing is is that you don’t have to look no further than the Shepherd who leads the lost back to Himself.

    If you have questions, go to the One who has the answers. I like when you opened up and said, “… I try not to tell people at first, or at all that I’m Christian. I stay silent. If someone says something to me that is directly in opposition to my faith, I stay silent. I let them tell me my faith is a lie, so they won’t be upset with me.” and I totally agree, I sometimes do the same thing; but now though, I have decided to speak out about my faith when it’s either challenged or we are just having conversation and the topic pops up.

    I also wanted to take some time and thank you for following my blog Anna. I may not know what drew you too my blog, but I am humbled to see how much God is using this blog to impact people around the world.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m really gald you liked the post, it was hard to write but I’m glad I did. I actually found your blog through the comments of another blog I follow and wanted to read more of what you have to say. I can’t wait to get off work and read more!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Unless we speak the truth of our religion, Christianity will be plagued with the mistruths out there about it. I didn’t speak of my faith in my college classroom, but once I mentioned I went to Sunday School. My students were astonished and asked why I did that. I told them I was a Christian and I needed to continue to grow in faith. My class told me that it was not possible that I was a Christian. Naturally I asked them why they said that. They replied because you accept and care for all of us(and there are some very out there students in an art college!!) I told them that is the Gospel. If they heard anything different, they weren’t hearing the Word.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I had another student ask me to coffee and actually say “I want what you have. What is it?” How perfect a moment, no? Well, no. I told her I had Jesus and she could have Him too. She looked at me in horror and that was that. No kidding.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Well, here’s to your keeping on! We have to realize that someone may need to hear us. I was brought up by pagans(literally) and if people hadn’t spoken to me of Christ I never would have become a Christian.

            Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry to here about your Pastor. I can’t imagine going to a church service with out one…..thank you for sharing, and for speaking up. I will pray for that to become easier for you, and that a great Pastor will find his home at your church. Much love girly!

    Liked by 2 people

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